BEST MAN SPEECH 2




  • Testing testing icicles ricycles bicycles testing testing
  • First off, if you're disappointed with this speech, you're not on your own because I am as well.
  • Truth is I peaked last week at the reception.
  • I must admit I was awesome, apparently I look great on the video as well as Julie informs me.
  • So if you find yourself laughing at a gag and the person sat next to you isn't it's because they heard it last week.
  • But that's right it was last week, so if you thought you were all coming to the real thing tonight you're mistaken.
  • All of Michael and Julie's closest friends were invited, so if you weren't . . . . I'll leave you with that thought.
  • I thought Michael might try to upstage me tonight, but I'm glad he didn't after his eloquent speech last week.
  • How can I put it, for someone who drives an articulated vehicle he wasn't very articulated himself.
  • Mind you it is hard to speak when you're filling up like that.
  • Beneath that rough tough trucker exterior beats the heart of a lamb. Cos I saw him filling up on more than one occasion.
  • And not just when he got the bar bill.
  • As some of you may remember I did mention last week how Michael was never one to miss out on a bargain . . .I think tight was the word I used.
  • And I was just wondering Julie if you remembered the password for the internet or should I tell you again it's buxton66.
  • It's not always a good idea to scrimp and scrape where you can though, cos I believe we haven't seen hide nor hair of the photographer since last saturday.
  • But it seems old moneybags has done alright for himself here though cos he's got 2 speeches for the price of one out of me.
  • Unless of course he's got me another best man gift? .... No? .... Fair enough then.
  • It says here if no gift is forthcoming wind it up quickly, so goodnight.
  • Well I would like to just say this first as it went down so well last time, I was really nervous about making this speech, so I prepared a few lines. Now I've snorted them I feel a lot better.
  • Thankyou, I'm here all week.
  • I hope the drugs don't make me slur though cos usually when I'm nervous I tend to pisspronunciate my worms.
  • Anyway, FORNICATION .... Sorry .... FOR AN OCCASION such as this It has always been my ambition to talk at length about a fine, upstanding gentleman of impeccable style, charm, charisma, intellect and wit. But I did that last time so I won't cover old ground.
  • I would like to thank everybody who brought presents, they are much appreciated, but you know as well as I do they've lived together for donkey's years so they've got everything they need.
  • So if you did buy them something for the house and you've kept the receipt, it might be an idea to just slip it inside your card.
  • Back to more serious matters though, make sure you're glass isn't empty as you all stand and join me in a toast.
  • Firstly to the parents of the bride and groom.
  • The bride and grooms parents.
  • Remain standing as we raise another toast, this time to our bride and groom Michael and Julie.
  • The bride and groom.
  • You can all sit again as we share this thought for the happy couple, and it's a different one to last time cos I don't want him gushing again:
  • Last week I overheard Rosheen asking Julie why she'd waited so long to get married, and Julie said to her, "because men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its our job to stamp on them then keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."
  • Thank you